Are you getting bored with the same old Christmas decorations? Would you like a break from the traditional kinds of decorating that involve lugging home large trees that will begin shedding immediately? Are you disinclined to pull down all the many boxes of decor from your attic, unpack them, set them out, only to pack them up again in a few weeks?  Do you have access to strong young adult bodies that have nothing better to do than create a Christmas miracle? If you’ve answered ‘YES!’ to these and other questions I could ask later, have I got a project for you!

Many years ago, wanting to think decidedly ‘outside’ the box, the kids came up with our family version of Christmas ‘decor’: the Christmas Cave. Now before you go “Huh? How is a cave even remotely related to Christmas?” let’s just think for a moment about why we celebrate this holiday. Get ready to think symbolically. You know how I roll.

Regardless of religious belief most people have at least a passing understanding of the Christmas story. You know, Mary on the donkey, filled with the wonder of the impending birth of a gift to humanity, her body the cozy space Jesus slept until awakened by the rudeness of birth. Her womb, the existential ‘feminine’, was filled with the gift that would emerge on what would be known as Christmas Day. Do you see the connection now? The cave is the sacred feminine principle, as represented in the story by Mary’s pregnant self. The gifts we give on Christmas are symbolic of the gift of Jesus and what he tried to teach.

I could go on, but I figure you want to know how the cave is done so here you go. The size of the cave is completely up to you and which resources you have laying around your yard.

You will need:
Cloth for the floor
Sturdy wire fencing, the heavy kind
Long, thin rebar
Line for tying
zip ties in green or other dark color, medium and small
twinkly lights – we used 300
boughs of cedar, or branches of fir from the most recent wind storm, but cedar is better because it lays flat.
clippers for cutting the boughs
fishing line
hooks for ornaments
ornaments
presents, nicely wrapped!

Begin by making a framework using the wire fencing as shown in the photo. Basically, it’s just an arch that is then cut and folded at the back for extra support. I’d have photographed how to do this part, but it was made years ago and we store it in a hidden place in the yard, ready to use.

Lightly weave a long, thin piece of rebar across the center top, sticking out some in the back. Use zip ties to secure it along its length.  Lightly weave another long, thin piece of rebar along the bottom back.

Basic form

Lightly weave long thin rebar at the bottom of each side. Just tuck it in behind the wire on each end. Use zip ties to secure it in a couple of places.

Support the sides at the bottom.

Now tie all of these pieces together with your long line. There should be just enough tension to hold it all in shape.

Tie it up. Note the triangle shape of the line. Very stable.

The back and sides are now supported. Time to do the front. Take two pieces of the long thin rebar and curve them gently. Andrew demonstrates a good way to do this.

Hold the metal down with one foot and pull up on the other end until it begins to curve. Then stand like this for more pressure. Gently!

Now tie these to the framework in the front, using zip ties. Tuck each end behind a piece of the wire frame for extra support. You are now ready to begin tying on the lights.

Lots of lights make it very pretty!

We used 300 lights on our cave, which is 50″ wide x 40 deep”x 36″ tall. Cover the thing with lights and then you are ready for the boughs, the final step in the cave structure itself. Cedar works best because it drapes beautifully and makes a pretty solid looking covering with few gaps. If you live in the Pacific Northwest, you have ready access to cedar because your neighbor’s trees probably hang large shadowy branches over the fence, creating shade in your yard. These branches need to be cut.

Claire, Andrew, and Jill, Andrew’s girlfriend. We’re so glad to have them all together this year!

Drape the boughs over the cave and use zip ties to secure. Many hands make light work. Overlap the boughs to give solid coverage. This is where the extra young adults come in handy.  Now your cave is complete and the fun begins.

Claire, perusing the choices.

We choose to use only glass ornaments in our cave because they are extra sparkly under the lights. Using fishing line, attach a loop of line to each ornament so that it will hang several inches down from the top. Making them all just a little different adds variety and texture to the arrangement.

100% Skippy approved.

Arrange the ornaments to your liking. We find it looks best with the bigger ornaments toward the backs and sides. Also if you make the ornaments toward the back hang a little bit lower, you’ll be able to see them better. If your framework shows up too much, you can add cedar boughs to the inside of the cave as well. Just add more wherever you need them. We used fir boughs to ‘anchor’ the cave around the bottom and disguise the rebar framework. Just lay them in place. No need to secure them unless you have a cat.

Shiny wrapping paper and glittery ribbons add even more sparkle to the whole thing. You just can’t have enough sparkle and shine at Christmas.

I’m thinking in advance how I’m going to be able to create a boat version of this when we are sailing. I have my miniature ornaments. Maybe I can make a collapsible cave?

All right, all right, simmer down. Yes, I am guilty. Guilty of sloth, guilty of sleep, guilty of reading good books for hours at a time,  guilty of blog neglect. I admit it. Twenty lashes with a wet halyard. Contrary to what you may have been thinking, I’m not dead or critically injured. It’s just that the creative fire was kind of burned out for awhile, as in no little voice in my head talking to blog readers. Usually I’ve got a lot of goings on in the words department up in the little grey cells, playing with things I’d like to say on the blog. Lately, that has not been the case. I don’t like to force these issues but Mike was getting feedback at work to the tune of ‘How come you guys haven’t posted anything lately?’ and ‘Still no updates to the blog? What’s happening?”. Oh, the pressure! The PRESSURE!

A day to remember of Vancouver Island.

Maybe it has something to do with resentment. That’s right. I resent the fact that we sat out the entire fall sailing season with a broken exhaust pipe. We have no one to blame but ourselves, but whatever. The good weather is behind us, the darkness has descended along with the cold. The long nights of winter are almost upon us and we still have an uninsulated boat. Read: cold and damp feeling. Ugh.

Until recently I had not been down to the marina for well over a month. Yes, it’s time to get brutally honest here. I had not even visited Galapagos in that long. And the danger of not engaging with a boat for even that short amount of time is that I begin to forget. I forget how happy we are to have her, how much fun we had on her this summer, all the projects I should feel jazzed about doing. I forget all of that. My connection with her and with our future with her grows thin and delicate. This is pretty dangerous. Because when that happens, I am not focused at all on the goal of cruising in the future. I am just focused on the here and now. I needed a cure for my attitude.

Cool hand made dinghy in Bellingham.

This week the cure came in three ways.  First, I made myself go down to visit the boat and began to clean some of the stowage areas in preparation for insulating them (more about that in another post). Admittedly, I was not excited about the prospect of getting started on what will be a huge project. But when I climbed up the ladder and into the cockpit, I began to feel happiness! It was a noticeable thing, this happy and content feeling that came upon me as I climbed down into the salon. Galapagos seemed glad to see me, and I found myself patting her like a loyal companion and letting the joy seep into my cold bones. I wanted to just stand in the cabin and allow the feeling to sweep through me. We spent awhile together just hanging out before I started ripping the salon apart. My connection with her was back.

The second thing that happened is that I took a painting class. This has nothing to do with boating or sailing, but it’s something that I finally allowed myself to do just to enjoy the life I have right now, this very minute. It was awesome and now those creative fires are raging hot! Woo hoo! I love riding this kind of wave! If I have a goal with this, it’s to be able to enjoy some kind of art creation from the boat. We shall see if this is it. Who knows? And who cares? It’s just fun right now and that’s all I care about.

Just a fun doodle with paint. It’s like being back in kindergarten in the best way!

The third thing that happened is that Mike announced that after 18 years of being at Boeing, he finally has 4 weeks of paid vacation a year! Oh. My. GOD! What is this? Europe? By summer, if we are lucky, he will have 5 weeks to take for a sailing vacation. Oh, the places we could go with that amount of time! We can hardly stand it.

Mike enjoying a happy day when the sun was shining and the weather was warm, not like now.

So all is well on the home front. The creative fires are stoked, and I feel more blog posts hanging out in the back regions of my brain.  I went down to Galapagos today to retie her lines and re-position the spring line in anticipation of tonight’s wind event, if it happens. I checked my progress in the insulation department, made sure breakers were off, cranked the bilge pumps a couple of times, gave her a little pat and moseyed on home. She’s ready to go with her shiny new exhaust pipe. Maybe we will get her out of her slip during the Christmas holidays. She’d like that. And so would we.

When we bought Galapagos last year, we were left with a number of items that we hoped to sell on Craigslist. One such item is the old transmission. I don’t know if you have priced a marine transmission lately but they can be really expensive and frankly I would be happy for any amount of money to have it out of my garage.

So on to Craigslist it went. And stayed. And Stayed. I’ve had a few nibbles but usually it just isn’t the right part. But then Joe came along. Joe really wanted to buy my transmission. He wanted this transmission so badly, that he didn’t haggle, didn’t ask any questions about it and possibly doesn’t know what a transmission is. In short, Joe is running a classic scam in which he offers to buy something for well over its asking price or, in Joe’s case, inadvertently sends more than the asking price and then requests that you send the balance back to him.

I sometimes find these scams a pleasant diversion. I was interested in Joe’s deal because he initiated contact via instant messaging and he wanted to send me a Money Order. As in through the mail. That seemed rather quaint and also a federal offense that can be investigated by the U.S. Postal Inspectors. It is unlikely that Joe is in this country but I bet some of his associates are and I am hopeful they will be having a chat with the authorities soon.

To create the right conditions for a fruitful relationship with a scammer, I have created an alter ego, Merlin Gnatluster.  Think of Merlin as that trusting and optimistic soul you wish  could exist in the world without being preyed upon. He always wants to do the right thing and he is extremely helpful. He wants to get to know people at a level that is uncommon in the digital world. Also Merlin wants this transaction to succeed as much as Joe does but sometimes he just doesn’t have all the tools he needs.

Below is a transcript from Merlin’s conversation with Joe. It is long so feel free to skim. Be sure to check out the “Money Gram” Joe mailed to Merlin.

In order to present the conversation in a readable format reminiscent of a chat session, I have used some CSS that may not render perfectly in older browsers. I have tested it in the latest versions of Chrome, Mozilla and Internet Explorer and it looks great. Older browsers, especially Internet Explorer may not work well.

My comments on the proceedings are in italics. Notice that there is an inner scroll bar just for the conversation.

I would like to provide attribution for some of the technology that permitted me to capture and present the conversation above:

OXSDaily.com on how to pull SMS messaging from the Iphone using SQL-Lite: http://osxdaily.com/2010/07/08/read-iphone-sms-backup/

Nicholas Gallagher’s CSS work to build Speech Bubbles: http://nicolasgallagher.com/pure-css-speech-bubbles/