Category Archives: Uncategorized

Got Money?

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Decisions, decisions, decisions. Thrumming our fingers on the desk does nothing to help with some decision making. Like whether to allow our blog to make money for us. Yes, that’s becoming a ‘thing’ that we have to decide about because suddenly (well, not really that suddenly) we have had a couple of offers from people to advertise on our site. I guess it’s not really that much of a surprise since we’ve been blogging for 5 years in October. We have a lot of posts, even if some of them get more traction than others.money (1)

We’d be lying if we said that we never hoped we could make some change from this blog, but that has never been our primary purpose. We’ve blogged because it sharpens our focus on our goals, helps us meet cool people, and documents an important time in our lives for us and for our children. We hope that after we are dead and gone they will be able to pull up the blog and say, ‘Wow, our parents really did something. Remember when they spent all of our inheritance on a boat and sailed away?’. At the rate we are spending money, the blog may be our only legacy. If people are entertained by our blog and get some ideas from us, that makes us feel good and like we’ve contributed something to others. Plus, we like to write. It’s always been a win for all those reasons.

But now that we are getting closer to ‘living on a fixed income’,  we are asking to be shown other ways of bringing in a little cash. The Universe has responded by offering up a couple of small-time opportunities with the blog. One young company wrote to us and asked if we’d be willing to model their shirts on our blog. We had such a good laugh over that one because the last time anyone asked us to model something for them was… exactly never. We are not young. We are not hip. We do not party. We are boring, thoughtful middle aged people. Also we do not photograph all that well and neither of us have cheekbones. But they seem to like the cut of our jib, so they are either desperate or they have us confused with our kids. But I thought it would be fun, so I said yes. Why not? Free shirts, anyone? If you suddenly see us parading a couple of unusual looking shirts on the blog and linking to a place where you can purchase the shirt for yourself, you’ll know we decided they were okay and we didn’t look too terrible in them.

From our travels to Washington D.C. Traveling costs money.

The other offer was some kind of marketing company in the UK who approached us wanting to publish a guest post related to boating and travel on our site. They would pay us a nominal fee for the privilege. We were suspicious because it sounded a little too easy. We’re always suspicious when things are too easy. But we do get to be ‘in charge’ of it, and we can look the article over and reject it if it looks too hinky. On the other hand, the subject sounded like something we’d like to know about ourselves, so we said yes to it. When I think about the number of hours we’ve put into this website, so far the amount of easy money we could potentially make at this point is somewhere around $.0000000001; a number I am completely making up and that is so infinitesimally small that it could well describe your chances of that Nigerian prince coming up with the money he promised if you’d only share all your banking information. Yay! We will be rich!

Anyhow, heads up. If we post something someone else writes, we will post it as a ‘guest’ post and it will be labeled as such. If we get paid to post something, we’ll tell you. Also, I guess it should go without saying, but I’ll say it anyhow: if we don’t like something, it won’t appear here. If we don’t find it pertinent, it won’t be on our blog.  I’m fairly certain we’re not going to be flooded with requests to become spokespeople for Gill or West Marine, or that our blog is going to be gobbled up by corporate entities who don’t give a crap about the voice of the blog. But, you know, if West Marine needs any more spokes people, I’m looking for a part-time job and I know how to talk. (I’m especially interested in testing and reviewing things like Sat Phones, sailing hardware, dinghies, and head rebuild kits.)

We’re thinking maybe we can make enough change to keep us in coffee if these offers pop up occasionally. Why the heck not? Anyone else have any free stuff they want us to try out and review for them? Bring it on!

From the Library of Congress. I was in complete awe. Europe has nothing on this. Breathtaking.

 

Now Back To Our Regular Stuff and Nonsense

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During the A to Z Challenge I got in the routine of sitting down at the computer and working on a blog post every morning. I guess what they say about creating habits is true: it takes 3 weeks to create one. For me, however, it takes only 1 day to extinguish it. It’s the same thing with diet and exercise. I am a creature of habit. Until I’m not.

So nice to see our local sea lions again on Sunday.

I took two days off from blogging, and was glad of it. Still, a part of me began to feel a little urgent about getting back to the computer and writing something. Anything. Preferably about Galapagos because for now, I’m kind of tired of thinking about anxiety in all its many forms. My brain kind of hurts.

That blogging challenge, whereby I had to post something every day except Sunday for the entire month of April, was an interesting experience. I revisited some things about myself that I had sort of forgotten. For one thing, it’s really good that I am not in school right now. Everything but the blog went to hell during the month of April. The house did not get cleaned. I’m pretty sure I forgot to change the sheets on the bed. I showered maybe twice a week if Mike was lucky. We ate the same thing for dinner each day unless I came up for air and suddenly remembered to make something. Boy was Mike thrilled on those days!

We got to play with so many new toys on Sunday!

Now I remember that when I have a project that I’ve committed to out loud, it’s all I can think about or focus on until it’s over. Having that deadline each day created a fire under my butt that would not go away until the challenge was over. Each morning I would get up and sit in front of the computer fine tuning the post for that day. Sometimes that took several hours of my day, but I was fine with that. It’s the hardest I’ve ever worked writing something for no money. I’m going to remember that fact next year when the challenge comes around again and I have to decide whether to participate.

One thing that surprised me about the feedback from these posts is how many people actually read them. The most popular post? It was R is for Reality Checks and Relationships. That day saw a huge spike in readership with views driven from a variety of sources. We are not too focused on statistics on our blog since it’s not a business, but it is an interesting pattern. I got quite a bit of feedback on that post behind the scenes. It resonated with so many people, especially women.

It’s a treat to run into people we know out on the water. S/V Elsa, enjoying the premature summer.

Because of that feedback, I’m considering doing a regular feature on the blog on relationships, anxiety, and cruising. It’s in the formulation/incubation stage right now, but would be focused on answering questions that readers have about that topic. I’d keep all personal information confidential, just like I do in my work, so people could feel freer to ask their questions. We’ll see how that pans out. I’m kind of feeling my way into it for now, and I am conflicted about bringing my professional life into the blog more than I already do.

So it’s back to blogging about Galapagos and the progress we are making. Yes! There is progress! I just didn’t have time to blog about that during the month of April. We got a chance to leave the dock on Sunday and had a wonderful afternoon of sailing with absolutely no docking drama! Woo hoo!!! Many thanks to the three hands that were waiting on the dock when we came back in. Seeing all those friendly faces waiting to volunteer to help us ease into our squeeze of a slip made me grateful for the community of people at Foss Harbor Marina in Tacoma. Many thanks to all of them! It was a great way to start the boating season.

Thanks for the great photo, S/V Elsa!

Thanks for the great photo, S/V Elsa!

 

 

 

Z is for Zeus, Zen, or Zoroastrianism?

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“The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife — a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it’s being held.” – Woody Allen

Poor Woody Allen. Always the anxious existentialist. Almost every character Woody Allen ever played portrayed a portrait of generalized anxiety disorder run rampant. The quote above, while humorous, actually describes deeply held fears based on the most common underlying theme of generalized anxiety: fear of death. And what comes, or doesn’t come, afterward.

Remember that anxiety exists on all levels: the mind, the body (brain), and the spirit. One of the ways we work with the anxious mind in a clinical practice is to explore belief systems on the conscious and unconscious level.  We bring what is unconscious into the light of day so we can hold it, examine it, turn it over and see its many facets. It can be surprising how often these unconscious beliefs are running like programs in the background on our smart phone; sucking up our energy and directing our thoughts.

So many times the root of anxious thinking can be found in conscious and unconscious, yet deeply held, religious and spiritual beliefs. Having firmly held spiritual beliefs that provide comfort, not fear, makes it easier to let go of anxiety and easier to face the fact that none of us will get out of here alive no matter what we do. No matter how well prepared we are, no matter how healthy our diet and exercise regimen, we all have our appointment with death. We just don’t know when it is.  Having comforting spiritual beliefs is a protective factor when it comes to facing this fact and it is a protective factor in generalized anxiety.

Focus on the word ‘comforting’. Some religious belief systems are more threatening than comforting, offering a stern father figure who is ready to send down fire and damnation for not towing the line. I’ve worked with abused children who have this kind of earthly father and they receive little comfort in this life. To think that there is a God like this is cold, indeed.  With the threat of a fiery hell in the afterlife, or other forms of punishment for being human, it’s easy to find a lot to be afraid of.

Furthermore, some religious belief systems depend very much on social control of the people in their congregation such that if a believer doesn’t follow strict rules, they are liable to be cast out of the group or punished in some other way. There is scarce comfort to be found there as well. One can easily understand why there would need to be a veneer of perfection created and maintained at all costs. Should anyone peek underneath the surface and see the imperfect human beneath, there would be a steep price to be paid.

When I do my initial assessment session with clients, I always ask about their spiritual beliefs, especially if they have anxiety. What I have found is that many people just don’t think about this stuff. Not really. I cannot count the number of clients I’ve had over the years who are terribly anxious about death, both their own and the potential loss of loved ones, but they have never examined what they believe to be true about death and dying. Considering that death is pretty much everyone’s end game, that doesn’t seem prudent to me.

When we talk about their anxiety and I help them peel back the layers of their conscious thoughts so that the unconscious beliefs can be revealed, I’m usually not surprised to learn that many folks just hit a roadblock once death enters the picture. I’ll ask a ‘what would happen’ type question, they’ll give the ‘I could die’ answer, and then when I ask ‘and then what would happen’, they get this blank expression. They literally do not understand the question. So I’ll regroup. I’ll be direct. “What will happen to you after you die?”. There is almost always a pause, even with very religious people. Then comes the big, ‘I don’t know.’ And there it is. 

In case you are curious, here are a few of the more common core beliefs people have that live below and give support to anxiety. All of these were reported to me by adult clients, although you will notice a certain child like quality in many of them:

  1. God is displeased with me. God disapproves of me.  God is disappointed in me.
  2. After I die, I will be alone.
  3. After I die I will get lost. After I die I will not know where to go.
  4. After I die there will be nothingness.
  5. After I die there will be nothing left of me. (I will be completely gone from the whole universe.)
  6. I will go to hell, or at least, I’m not sure I will get into heaven.
  7. God does not want me. I am not perfect enough for God.
  8. After I die I will kind of float around until I find a place to land. (This has to be my favorite one, although I find it to be very sad to actually think about it.)
  9. When I die I will be cast out.

You can imagine that if you held one of these beliefs, death would be a fearful thing even beyond the fear of loss and separation that we all have. I mean, it’s a natural thing to not WANT to die, to try to avoid dying too soon. That’s different from being afraid of what happens afterwards.  You can, perhaps, see the link between these underlying beliefs and the desire, the need, to try to control everything in order to create a feeling of safety and security.

On the other hand, if you believe that death is a natural part of life and that in some way you will ‘be okay’ after death, you are in a better position to live gracefully in this world of what sometimes feels like chaos. These beliefs are part of what allows us to handle going into any kind of ‘great unknown’ , like crossing oceans, or even driving in Seattle traffic. We know we can prepare but that in the end we cannot control. In the words of Helen Keller, “Security is mostly a superstition..Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all.” We must accept that on some level in order to live life to the fullest.

Our belief systems, whether they are Zen, Zeus, or Zoroastrianism, help us make sense of the inevitable losses that we will all face in our lives whether through our own death, or through the death of loved ones. It doesn’t matter whether what we believe is ‘true’ or not. It matters how our beliefs make us feel. Do they make us feel safe and comforted in our mortality? Or do they scare the crap out of us? I don’t know about you, but I like to just say ‘no’ to belief systems that just feel wrong and frightening. I’ll take my chances that I’m doing the right thing by following joy, not fear, which everyone knows is the enemy.poppies

I want to make the point that what counts here is that you are comforted by the beliefs you have. After all, this is not an academic exercise. This is not a ‘knowing’ in the head. It’s a ‘knowing’ in the heart. For instance, I know some people actually believe that there is nothing at all after death, we just cease to exist. Perhaps this works for them. They may find some comfort in it. Some people believe in a literal heaven and hell and they find comfort in that. So I’m glad that’s available for them. Others believe that we live many lives either concurrently or through reincarnation. That works, too.

There is no one spiritual belief system that has the corner on the market for reducing anxiety, although there are some that are more likely to actually create anxiety than others. It’s an individual thing and, after all, we’re talking about faith here, not fact, because no one is really going to find out the answer to the big existential questions until they die. And maybe not even then! But if you have anxiety that runs your life, ask yourself what belief systems run your anxiety and see if some of those may be existential in nature.  Ask yourself the hard questions and begin to seek answers for yourself that make sense to you. Go with the answers that comfort your anxious mind. If you lead your search with your heart, you cannot go wrong.

 

 

Thanks to all the readers who stuck with me through this A to Z Challenge! I’m ready for a little blogging break now. If you need a link to the first post in the challenge, here it is.