Author Archives: Melissa

That Old Fun/Suck Ratio

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I have to say this: so far this year our timing has been, while accidental, impecable. But today, the pandemic groundswell of closures finally caught up with us and the fun/suck ratio is now tipped firmly over onto the side of ‘this sucks outright’. It’s time to leave Mexico behind. We already miss the Mexico that was. Here’s a long update.

From our boat’s spot at Isla Isabel. It doesn’t get better than that. Next winter when I’m hunkered down on my boat in the Pacific Northwest I’m going to look at this photo and just sigh.

There are times when the brain of the anxiety ridden individual works to advantage and those times are when there is actual danger afoot, whether from large seas or from microscopic viruses that make people behave like the end of the world is nigh (and also kills people).  I like to have a good plan for the worst that can happen, even if that worst is unlikely. It helps me sleep well at night with my cockpit door open to the sea breeze.

While in La Paz, I began spinning stories in my head about how long we might need to survive on the boat without touching land. We plan to cross to Hawaii from La Cruz (Banderas Bay) and those plans were not going to change. But it was many weeks before we would be leaving because you have to go at the right time of year, and the handwriting was already on the wall in terms of pandemic induced shut downs coming in Mexico. La Paz was already recommending people stay home, all the hand sanitizer was sold out at the stores, and there was already confusion over the latest orders in terms of recreational boating.

Our sunset view in Mantenchen Bay

In addition to the beach/business/town closures that were coming, while we personally have not experienced anything but kindness from the local people, I was reading in the news how in our own country people of Chinese descent are being targeted and blamed for bringing the end of the world as we know it upon us. I feared that in Mexico, the ‘gringos’ would be blamed for the virus just as the Chinese are in the U.S.

Another publication had recently published words to that effect and I had thought they were wrong to say so, but as events developed, it was proven that I was the one who was wrong.  Based on recent information, it has proven to be true to some extent and, depending on how long the business closures go on, that could get worse. I hope it doesn’t and so far, incidents are isolated and unusual and not overly serious, but it understandably could get worse and I would rather see it coming than be surprised by it. People love to have an enemy to blame for misfortune and many people here are going to suffer to put food on the table during these shutdowns. Even without the pandemic we are outsiders, living strange lives on expensive yachts and with expensive toys. It’s easy to see why resentment would build. I believe that while it’s important to not focus overly much on this or become paranoid about it, it’s also important to acknowledge it and mitigate our risk. I am all about risk mitigation. Denial is not useful here.

In preparation for possibly having to be on the boat without access to provisions, I began shopping seriously in La Paz while the stores were still fully stocked and before any true emergency closures happened. If there is anything that makes me feel in control of my life, it’s shopping. Particularly grocery shopping. How long would we be off grid? Let’s see, at that point it would be at least 3 weeks until we got to La Cruz. Then once we left La Cruz, another 2 weeks of self isolation before making our escape to the sea, just to be double dog sure we aren’t sick with anything, much less a killer virus. Then maybe 3 weeks for the crossing to Hawaii. But what if we decide to do the clipper route and take a long tack out, then tack back north without landing in Hawaii? That’s maybe a 6 week trip? 7 weeks? Forever? Unlimited sea time? You see how the brain gets spun up a bit. Buy ALL THE SPAGHETTI and SAUCES! More granola and cheeses? YES, PLEASE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN ONLY BUY TWO PACKAGES OFF EGGS? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY EGGS WE EAT IN A MONTH?

Michael’s new spirit aniimal, in case you didn’t get this photo before.

But seriously, there is great satisfaction in provisioning a boat, tucking food stuffs away in all the little nooks and crannies. In the moment, I felt like I was going possibly overboard a bit. Did we really need all this stuff? But yes, we would need this much, and possibly more, especially for now when we have a crew member aboard. Our final provisioning will be in La Cruz, if I can get a ride to the grocery store in Bucerias. People are allowed to go for groceries, although they ask that only one person per family go, and some items are limited in quantity. One person? No problema. That person is me. Hey, isn’t that just like at home in the states?

The other thing we did to prepare was to buy a water maker. It wasn’t our first choice of water maker because we wanted one we would install below deck. But it was available, and it was brand new-never-used and we got it for a reasonable price. We got a Rainman that puts out 19 gallons/hour and let me tell you this: it’s the best thing we’ve bought for the boat since that new mainsail and track system. The relief of having this unit on board is palpable and it was with great joy that I listened to it run as it filled up our water tank while we lay at anchor at remote Isla Isabel. We are now truly able to be off grid for as long as food holds out. When we get back to the states and have the boat hauled out, Michael will install the unit below deck and we plan to buy larger membranes for it that will allow a greater output.

Another little bird visitor here in the bay. They sing the cutest little song. He’s some kind of Swallow.

We sat in La Paz until just before the port was closed, narrowly escaping the navy ship patrols that now question people about where they are going and why. It’s not as bad as it sounds. The Navy isn’t out to get people. That’s the last thing they want to do. (I mean, think of the paperwork alone!) You are allowed to move from port to port on your boat. But only for purposes of getting hauled out or stationing yourself in a marina, or your final port. So only in the sense that you might have to travel to reach your final destination. Not for recreation. This enabled us to get to Isla Isabel (or Isabella, or Isabela depending on your source) and actually have a wonderful time during Semana Santa week, a week during which the whole country celebrates by going to the beach, camping out, and having a brilliant time. They were denied this pleasure this year as all the beaches were closed.

We experienced the beach closures first hand at Los Frailles. We had anchored there on the east coast of the southern Baja peninsula to prepare to cross to the mainland and to snorkel. It has coral and I was especially keen to get in the water there. The needle on the fun/suck meter began to seriously move after I had been in the water for 1/2 an hour and Michael paddled up to me and said we had to get out.

A park ranger had spotted us in the water and panga’ed up to him and pretty much mentioned they would call the police if we didn’t stay on our boat. Wow. Way to go from zero to 180 right off the bat. I mean, we knew we couldn’t go ashore. But no swimming either? At first they said we were not even allowed to anchor there, but once Michael asked where we could go to anchor and they realized the problem, they said we could anchor, but not get off the boat. Huh. Well we get it, now that we think about it. I mean, already the locals would resent us for even being on our boats on the water when they are stuck in their houses during their most important holiday. If we are out there obvioulsy having fun and enjoying their ocean, too, well, yeah. We get it. We stayed on the boat.

Finally a decent photo of the very fast Tropicbird. They are hard to capture they move so quickly.

The next day we sailed for Isla Isabel. Honestly, we felt like we had escaped the coming pressures, even if that was a fleeting feeling.  The crossing was all downwind sailing all the time with the usual following seas until a few hours from the island the winds died to nothing and we were left with the sloppy left over swells. The Beta Marine fired up and a few hours later we were anchored sweetly right behind the Mona rocks in literally the only spot with decent holding, the only boat in the anchorage. Beautiful. This allowed us to forget, mostly, about viruses and beach closures and feeling like unwanted intruders as the only people on this fairly remote island were researchers and fishermen who all gave us friendly waves as they passed us by.

We did not go ashore there, not wanting to press our luck since we knew that technically the park was closed. But we snorkeled almost every day and the water was fabulous. It was 78 degrees and with my wetsuit, I could stay in the water literally for hours. We swam with Eagle Rays, big Trevally, Moorish Idols and several kinds of Butterfly and Surgeonfish, and I got up close and personal with a Sea Turtle. There is a lot of current around the Mona rocks and in the anchorage, so we got plenty of exercise snorkeling. On the last night there I shone my light into the water, something I like to do to see cool night creatures, and the beam picked up a Yellow Bellied Sea Snake. I was dead excited about that. So venemous, but so beautiful, I never thought I would see one. But there he was, right by the boat! And that, my friends, is why I do not swim at night.

I felt this turtle before I saw him, strangely. He was having a spa day as wrasses cleaned his crevices. Then he gently rose from his rock and swam in front of me.

The always lovely Eagle rays. So pretty and graceful.

Honestly, we could have stayed there for another week and been perfectly happy. But that sail to Hawaii isn’t going to happen on its own and we were hoping to meet a guy with a boat like ours in San Blas. We had been looking forward to seeing his boat, and him ours, all season. There are not a lot of Olympic 47’s around except in the Med. They were built in Greece, after all. He has taken out the pathetic deck drains these boats have for green water (Why these stupid deck drains? WHY IS THiS A THING Ted Brewer DID?) and put in proper scuppers that drain directly overboard. Plus he has made the companionway much easier to navigate, reducing the number of steps for getting below decks. I’m on the fence about doing that to our boat and really wanted to see this in person. So we sailed to Mantenchen Bay, just a few miles south of San Blas, with plans to meet up with him.

But the virus closures finally caught up with us for good and had other plans for us. That old fun/suck ratio needle just went even more firmly in the ‘suck’ direction. Many of the towns in Mexico have closed their borders and apparently that includes San Blas. He said he wouldn’t even be allowed to get into the town, much less come get us and take us to the boatyard.

The word ‘closed’ here means that the local people have blockaded the roads and will not allow people to enter if they don’t live there. There are also police and military checkpoints in place in some towns, disallowing travel between places except for necessity such as food and medical needs. Here we are not allowed to land on the beach at all. There is a police presence on the beach and they will nicely, but firmly, turn you back to your boat if you try to come ashore. They mean business here. We were hoping that these measures were going to lighten up after Semana Santa week, but apparently not since the police ATV can still be seen patroling the beach. (He goes really fast. I think maybe at least one person is having fun on the beach.) Maybe things will open tomorrow, but probably not. We don’t have the time or the will to hang around and wait to see.

More boobies riding on the bow. We had three of them almost all the way to the island. Those comical faces! Oh hey, that tape needs replacing. Put that on the list.

We are feeling particularly worried for the boats who are planning to stay in the Sea of Cortez this summer. If these closures do not lighten up they are going to have a very hard time. In some places where boats traditionally anchor and get provisions, cruisers have been asked to leave. The Port of Peñasco is now closed as of this writing, and that’s a place where many people go to store their boats. I hope they will make exceptions for people treking all the way north to put their boats away. Probably they will, but these things change on the daily and it’s disconcerting and stressful. That would be a long way to go only to be turned away.  Very experienced cruisers are going to have less trouble adjusting to the constant changes and redirects than the people who are fairly new to the sport. We keep all of these fellow cruisers in our thoughts daily as we listen to the radio nets and receive reports of conditions on the ground in other parts of Pacific Mexico and the Sea of Cortez.

So tomorrow we will leave Mantanchen Bay, where at least we have been able to say hello to other human beings on boats and have seen many little Pacific Golden Cownose Rays in the murky water. S/V Totem is here and we would love to have a personal visit with them before we leave, but everyone is sticking to the isolation orders so…We will hightail it to La Cruz. We know that several boats will be diverting to Hawaii to wait and either continue on to the Pacific Northwest or go to the South Pacific next year, if that area is ready to entertain boats again that soon. Maybe we can find some boats leaving at the time we are going.

A final word about Hawaii because many people have expressed concern that Hawaii won’t want boats or won’t let us land. Yes, we will check, again, once more, with Homeland Security and Coast Guard officials before we leave. Yes, we will have plan B (making that long tack as previously described). Yes, we are prepared for them to make us wait on our boat for two weeks to be extra sure we are not virus carriers. That’s another reason why we are carrying so many provisions. Yes, we are hiring a professional weather router for the trip. We are checking all the boxes we know to check. If you have helpful suggestions other than these, let us know. Otherwise, wish us well and bon voyage. We decided we cannot sit this out in Mexico. And this was already the year we planned to take the boat back home and unless something totally u. One way or another, Pacific Northwest winter, here we come.

Little Pacific Golden Cownose Ray. They are all over the place here in the murky water. No swimming here. Too spooky. This water looks green in the photo. Must be the light. It’s brown.

So, by the way, for those of you who have ‘all you can eat’ internet and TV all the time: we were away from that daily news cycle for 12 days. You know what we missed? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. When we checked back in on the news yesterday, everything was just as it was on April 2. Ordinarily I spend too much time reading the news. (I refuse to watch news videos. I’m not going to waste my bandwidth on those things.) These times of isolation away from cell service remind me just how spun up all that stuff makes me. Please step away from your TV and internet news as much as possible. Please notice how upset it makes you, how it makes your brain on fire, how the price of entertainment can be anxiety. Find some peace and quiet in your day. It’s worth it to take media breaks, including Facebook and all the many fires it starts, regularly, all day long. Believe me, you won’t miss a thing.

We’re all safe here on board and going with the flow. Hope you are, too.

S/V Galapagos, standing by on Channel 16

An African Pompano we caught at dusk. Good, white meat. It was too dark for a great photo of Mike holding it up. This photo is by the aft deck light.

10 Longish Ways to Not Be a Virus Zombie

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As this current world situaton with Covid-19 drags on, the psychotherapist in me begins to be pretty worried about your mental health. Sitting here in La Paz, where I read this morning Mexico is reporting 7 confirmed cases of the virus, social distancing and business closures are just taking off. I keep abreast of news and my social media contacts back home and what I observe isn’t pretty. People have taken to gallows humor (not a bad thing), people report panic attacks, people are becoming depressed and more anxious, losing hope, throwing caution to the wind and rebelling against the new ’stay at home’ orders. The picture is grim.

Only photos that bring a smile on this post. Get as relaxed as this young Elephant Seal.

The collective grief we are all feeling about our loss of our illusion of safety is profound and effects everyone, even those people who deny that Covid-19 is, in fact, a real disease. Their conspiracy theories do not protect them from the collective experience we are having. People feel as though they have lost the last vestiges of control over their lives. The decisions they have made, the plans they have laid, the futures they have worked hard for; all of those things are up for grabs suddenly; as though we have been ripped up by our very roots and tossed into the air by the hands of fate. Seemingly overnight we feel the loss of control over our lives.

So what can we do? Where is our power? How can we get back a semblance of life that makes us feel comfortable and secure, at least in the moment, when we are stuck at home and worried about how we will get by in the world after this novel Corona virus emergency is a thing of the past? And rest assured, it will pass. All things do.

In order to feel like I, too, have some control over my world and can help in any way in this situation, I have created this list. It’s a list of actual things you can DO to regain that momentary feeling of ‘all is well’ during a time that is, to be clear, ‘not well’. Will these things fix the situation? No. Will they protect you from sinking into a well of despair? Well, they will help. That is if you are basically mentally healthy overall, and if you actually do them. Like, REALLY do them; not just think about possibly doing them, which will not help at all. If you already find yourself in a deep well of despair and there is no light in your tunnel at all, please call the local crisis line or mental health center, or your doctor. Call someone. It’s OK to use medication to protect yourself from getting into a very dark place.

If you are part of the millions who have moments of sanity on a daily basis but just want some help getting to the other side of this, I strongly encourage you to just do these things. If you cannot do them all, then pick a few you CAN and WILL do. Some of these are designed to help you use parts of your brain other than your amygdala, a brain system I wrote about way back when I did the Alphabet Blog Challenge and did that long series on anxiety. (I know some of the image links are broken on some posts because they are old. But I don’t have the bandwidth to fix all that. The important stuff is still there.)

You might go back and read those posts (starting Here), even though, upon reviewing them, I realize some of them were too long. (Hey this post is incredibly long, too, so whatever.) Right now, you have time to read long things. There is good information there and you might cherry pick stuff that applies to you. This is an anxious time and so let’s work together to keep that anxiety from grabbing you and not letting go, wherever you are in the world. Let’s keep you from being a zombie because being the walking dead is not a good thing for anyone.

Gratuitous Cat photo of Claire’s cat again.

Before we get started on the list, for those of you who have teenagers and very young adults at home, their brains are not fully on line right now when it comes to strong emotions like fear and being able to balance those with rational thought. Please know this. The prefrontal cortex is ‘under construction’ in people well into the first half of their 20’s. Not only that, but their emotions are heightened during this time of intense brain development, even in the good times. Their emotions are more intense than either children or adults, and they cannot help it so please avoid like the plague saying things like ‘just calm down’. Their brain is changing rapidly and it doesn’t develop in a straight line. They are more likely to have long lasting effects from the stress of this time than you are, all other things being equal. As the adults in the home, they need for you to lead the way and show them how to cope and keep hope during this time and to recognize that they won’t be able to do as good a job as you do of staying the course. You are the rock upon which they stand.

I spoke with a young cruiser here in La Paz this week and was really surprised at how afraid he was for the world. Not just for his family or himself, but the whole world. This kid was in tears and my heart just broke for him. His parents had no idea how stressed out he was getting because he was protecting them from knowing, not wanting to burden them further. Just keep that in mind as you navigate the next few weeks and months. Keep those lines of communication open and realize your kid is probably going to vacilate between seeming to be grown up and wanting his binky and blanket. And that’s completely normal.

Okay let’s get to my list. Get a soothing beverage and sit in a comfortable place because this is going to take some time.

1. Stay grounded in the here and now. When you feel the dread of the future and the worry about what will happen and how long this wlll last, stop and notice where you are in space and time. Bring your attention into the present moment and the physical place where you are. Count the number of items in the room, name the colors in the pictures on the wall, talk out loud to yourself about what needs cleaning and putting away, name ten things you have gratitude for right now. The idea is to get out of that amygdala and dampen that voice and balance that out by using your logical brain. Being present in the physical space you are in, measuring it with words and descriptions and being mindful of that turns down the volume on your reptile brain that worries about survival. Do this as many times as you need to all day long. Keep it going, tell your kids how to do it, too and explain why this helps. I mean what color socks are they wearing today anyhow? And do they have any dirty laundry that needs doing?

2. Meditate. Yeah, sorry, that’s just a solid recommendation for this crazy time and I have a source for you! Our Jill’s mom owns a yoga studio in Washington State and is a Mindfulness meditation teacher. She is collaborating with one of her students to open a web based, real time place where people can come together virtually to do all kinds of things, and meditation is where they are starting. This is not an app, but a real time guided meditation so you are connecting with other real people who are doing the real things you are doing to get through this real time. Check it out and do some classes. It’s brand new and still under construction, but it’s up and running.  I’m not going to go into all the research that will tell you that meditation is good for your brain because you already know it’s true and if you don’t, then take my word for it and give it a try or spend a little time with your good friend Google. It’s time for a little Nike Therapy. Just do it. I mean, what do you have to lose? This is free. It costs you nothing.

3. Get outside. If there is no rule against it, just go for a walk around your city or neighborhood. And don’t wait until you are stir crazy to do it. PUT THIS ON YOUR SCHEDULE AT LEAST THREE DAYS A WEEK, PREFERABLY EVERY SINGLE DAY. Yes, I am yelling. Why? Because most people don’t want to schedule something as mundane as a walk. I don’t know why. But they think they will somehow work it into their day and then the day goes and they haven’t done it and by the time dinner is over and the dishes are done they are too tired to go. You can walk around and still maintain social distance. Your brain needs natural light, your body needs movement. Put it on the calendar. Go with your kids. Keep your physical distance. If your state says stay in your home, then walk around your yard. If you don’t have a yard, walk in place by a window and imagine you are outside. Those kinds of strict lockdowns are not going to be forever. Get creative about this and do your best to involve natural light and fresh air. This is the first thing I insist my depressed patients do. Truly.

4. Accept what is happening and decide to roll with it. Just say ‘yes’ to all of it with a willing heart and a good attitude. Let go of your resentment because you are literally hurting yourself with it. Acceptance is where your power is. Lean into it and embrace it. The ‘fighting it’ mentality hurts you and doesn’t help anyone around you. Not everything in life is about a ‘fight’. Not to be a Pollyanna, but please make lemonade out of these lemons we are currently dealt. This absolutely will not last forever and you’ve done hard things before and you can do this, too. No one likes to be told what to do but understand that if you are complying with the ’stay at home’ edicts, then you are choosing to do so. You have made a powerful choice. Yes, there may be consequences to choose otherwise, but nonetheless, you are choosing to comply and be a decent person. Embrace the choice to be part of this movement to protect yourself and others.

I’d like to use a visual for this. Imagine you are a surfer and you have just caught a wave. You feel the power of the wave under you and stand up on your board. Now the goal here is to stay on the board and ride the wave until the energy dissipates and then you get to make other choices. You can ride to shore or you can get off the board and swim out. But if you fight the energy of the wave instead of going with it, you are going to crash and burn. Get it? Imagine being that surfer on that board and staying up on the board all the way home. You just ride that energy knowing that you will know it when it’s coming to an end. That’s how it’s done. You can do it. Everyone stand up on your board and ride now.

Photo by Vladimir Kudinov

5. Start a gratitude journal or vision board.  Use your hands to write in and on it. Typing on the computer is not the same thing, even though it’s better than nothing. Use colored pencils or pens and make it fun. If you have kids at home, or even if you don’t, perhaps clear a wall and use paper to cover part of it. Every day write or draw something that is positive that could come of this time together if you would let it, and what you are grateful for. I cannot stress enough how much I want you to do this, and how much I insist that this be done in a physical form, not on your computer. Let your kids cut photos from magazines, if you still have such things, or draw pictures of things that bring them happiness in their right-now lives. Talk about and record the good things that happened during the day, even if it’s something small like enjoying a peanut butter sandwich.  Help them see that focusing on the good things brings balance to the hard stuff. You help their brains and yours at the same time.

Now here is the very important thing about gratitude journals: you have to FEEL THE GRATITUDE. It’s not enough to just say or write the words. It’s just like all the ‘think positive’ mantras people say to themselves. If you just think the words without stopping and allowing the words to be connected to a feeling, you may as well be shouting into the wind because your brain won’t hear you very well. So for everything you put in that journal or on that gratitude board on the wall, I want you to stand back, focus on that in your heart, visualize it in your mind,  and allow your heart to feel the happiness.

Here is what you do: Put your actual hand over your actual heart and close your eyes and just feel the gratitude. Just allow it to be there and allow it to grow big.  I want you to pledge allegiance to your gratitude. Truly. Do this right now. Put your right hand over your heart. Spread your fingers wide. Focus on the feeling where your hand touches your chest and allow the gratitude to swell your heart three sizes this day. You might break down and cry. And that would be fine. Just hold that space for a bit.

I want you to hold that for at least 30 seconds. For. Each. Thing. 30 seconds. You are wiring your brain differently. This isn’t some woowoo magic I’m recommending here. This is proven science. The more you do this the easier it is to stay in the happy place. Why? Because neurons that fire together wire together, as the saying goes. That’s another way of saying practice makes perfect.

6. Laugh. Often and long. It’s actually true that it’s good medicine. It tells your brain that you are happy. It gets you out of yourself. Same with watching cat and dog videos. It’s great to do that. Good sane stuff, that. Do your best to stay away from watching things that make you laugh at other’s expense, like those videos that show people getting hurt, or make fun of people. There is hidden anger under those and right now let’s just go for the highest and best laughter, the feeling of joy. I’m going to go ahead and suggest that you schedule in time for cat and dog videos. Do it a few times per day. Put it on your calendar. You now have actual permission to watch cat videos from an actual Psychotherapist. You’re welcome.

Puppies. You can’t help but be glad.

And while we are on the subject of entertainment, can I just go ahead and recommend that you turn off the news during the day? I know you want to stay informed but it becomes overwhelming when you see the same things over and over and get the same helpless feelings over and over. You can stay informed and keep the balance. If you have to keep the TV on, then can you make it something uplifting, even funny? Music would be way better. When you  keep TV news on all day it’s like constantly bathing your brain in the neurochemicals of anxiety. Ugh. I wish this wasn’t a thing that people did all the time.

7. Do nice things for others. Practice some random acts of kindness in whatever way you can for now. Everyone is suffering and this helps you realize you are not alone. If you have to make a grocery run, ask your neighbor if she needs something. Are you baking cookies? Leave some on your neighbor’s porch with a little note saying you’d give them to her into her hands, but…social distancing. Put on the note something like “these cookies packed with love and clean hands”. Give a little money to someone who needs it. It doesn’t have to be much. Engage your children in the giving. Make sure you FEEL HOW NICE IT IS TO DO THINGS FOR OTHERS WITHOUT BEING ASKED. Action + thought + feeling = new brain wiring. Practice social closeness while you keep physical distance.

8. Be sure you have a routine. All of our regular routines have been disrupted completely. So we need to create new ones that feel as natural as possible. Go to bed at about the same time each night. Get up at about the same time in the morning and put your actual clothes on. (I know a lot of you are hanging our in your pajamas all day long.) If you are working from home, create a space that is only for work, even if it’s just a corner of a room. Maybe hang a sheet from the ceiling to create a visual space that is separate from the living area. Keep a work schedule that allows breaks. If you have kids, try to keep them to a routine as well. Engage them in creating the routine to give them some power in the game. This creates a feeling of safety and sameness. Cook dinner and eat it together. Make the day a bit structured. Is it 10:00AM? It’s time for our walk, kids! Let’s go! We feel safer when we live inside a structure. Make your time structured.

9. Kids. Suddenly homeschooling. I’m going to express a strong opinion here and you can take it or leave it because it’s absolutely my own opinion. (Skip to number 9 if you don’t have kids or don’t care about my opinion. This is long enough already for you.) “But Melissa,” you say, “Why should I listen to you? How is it that you get to have an opinion about this subject?” Ok, fair enough. It’s because I spent 20 years as a therapist working with children and families exclusively as a children’s mental health specialist, including in the schools, before I went in to private practice. I also homeschooled two kids, both of whom grew up to be high functioning, educated adults. Our son missed a LOT of school due to a bad accident. His schooling was very much disrupted over a two year period. I had to let go of the worry that he was losing out on learning because his health and safety took top priority. At age 27 I assure you he reads, writes, ‘rithmetics, is college educated, and has skills. So take this or leave it, but at least think about it.

Many of you have been thrust quite unceremoniously into the role of teacher to your kids and this is a new and unwelcome change for both of you. This adds another incredible layer of stress to parents who are already having trouble coping. When you add the guilt many are feeling about not being able to keep up with their kid’s schooling, well, let’s just say that’s too much. Ok? That’s too much. So I encourage you to stop and take a step back. We are talking a few months of formal education out of your child’s entire life.

Is that going to keep them from graduating from highschool eventually, even if it’s not on time? Is it going to keep them from going to college ever? Is it going to irreparably harm them as human beings? I submit to you that it is not. And I hope you can relax about it and get out from under this burden. Six months of life is a very small percentage overall when people live well into 8 decades or more.

So while I can’t tell you what is right for your own child, I can say that were my kids young during this historic time, I would not be worrying overly much about how much they kept up with schoolwork, especially if it was causing a lot of family stress. I’d do what I could do and let that be good enough, recognizing that the children are stressed out, too. And I would be looking for learning opportunities that were quite a bit outside the box, things they may not get a chance to dive into during a regular school year. I would look at what lit up their curiosity and go with that so that they would enjoy the learning. The world is literally at your fingertips with the internet. I’d find something that interested them and let them explore whatever that might be.

Get some fresh air, wherever you are.

10. Care for your breathing. Notice it. Make sure you are not holding your breath or breathing shallowly in the chest. I’ve seen folks posting that they feel tightness in their chest lately. That’s fear and is probably related to the breath. When you do your meditation (because you are going to do that, right?) do one that includes focusing on breathing. Then during your day, take note of the tension in your breath and let that go. It’s a matter of making a small place in the foreground of your mind where you check in with your breathing regularly. When you don’t breathe deeply your brain takes note of that and sends signals that all is not well, increasing anxiety. Here’s my post called ‘J is for Just Breathe!!
This, too, shall pass. That is my mantra and I stop and feel the reality of this. The world will not stop. If we come together to support each other during this crisis, our country and our world will be stronger. Remember that you are not alone in this. Everyone is going through it together. Make this time count and recognize that you are living through a truly historic event.

And what is S/V Galapagos doing right now? We have stocked up and are ready to greet this crisis by getting off grid and cruising for a month. It might be tempting for those of you back home to think “oh how lucky they are to be on a boat”. Yeah, that’s partly true. I mean, we do feel like we are in a pretty good position for now. Key words: FOR NOW. If you think that the virus crisis hasn’t come home to roost here let me be the first to disabuse you of that notion. Mexico is behind the states by maybe 2-3 weeks. Businesses are now closing, social distancing is a focus.Things change daily for us, just like they do for you. La Paz went from 0 cases to 7 in the last few days. We have no idea how well cases are being counted here so it’s hard to put this in perspective.

 Who knows what will actually happen? So the best thing for us to do is ride the wave, right? We practice acceptance and find our power in what we have control over, including our attitudes. We miss our family and wish we were with them during this crisis time. Even though our being there wouldn’t change things, at least we would be with them. Hug your loved ones tightly for us.

Our current plan is to go cruising for the next month, isolating at anchor. We will watch how things evolve both in Washington State and in Mexico. We figure we have until June to get out of here. If we can’t get going safely before tropical storm season starts, then we are here for another year. If things start getting bad in Mexico, we will just go. We are hoping that things will be better up north by that time. Basically we are waiting for things to look better in Washington. Then we can go.

S/V Galapagos, standing by as always on channel 22.

 

Still No Zombies, Take Two

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Here’s an update to our decision making process as we move through this unstable time. The only thing that is stable is that we have no plan and we’re sticking to it. Or rather, we have many plans and aren’t sure which one will stick. Is that the same thing? It kind of feels like it to me. Overall, the plan is to get the boat back to Washington. But even that is looking wobbly. Would we even be able to work given the current situation?  I can plan on going to bed at a reasonable hour tonight, and that’s pretty much it. Small victories.

Caught this Osprey mid meal. We do love the wildlife here.

Looks like we will be stuck in La Paz for longer than expected. Of course, this is the norm with La Paz (which we call La Pause). It seems like no matter how long you think you will be here, something comes up to keep you from leaving. I’m just going to lean into being here for now. After all, there’s really no hurry.  Last time we were in this area we refused to even come into La Paz for fear of getting stuck. We anchored outside of the canal and hitched a ride into town, then Übered back to our boat. It worked. We were only at anchor for a night, then we left. This time we risked entering the bay and now we are at anchor outside Marina de La Paz with no end in sight. We have a lot of little medical things to take care of and this is a place to do it. Things always take longer than we think. As things devolve rapidly here in Mexico, we just try to keep our heads above water.

Like all of the rest of you at home, we’re getting used to life throwing us curve balls on the regular. What stays the same is that everything changes daily. So today we walked several miles down to the CONANP office for the Revilligagados Islands, those offshore islands that seem like they would be the best place to be completely isolated from the world. We’ve looked forward to those for months. We wanted hard copies of our permit. The park ranger (is that what they are called here?) had a worried look on his face as he realized who we were. Yes, we are the boat Galapagos that has that permit and plans to sail to Hawaii, that’s us, sir. He looked at the floor in the way that Mexicans do when they have to tell you some bad news. Mexicans hate to share bad news with you. It makes them feel sad. The bad news is he was just on the phone with the Mexican Navy and they are closing the islands to visitors because of the virus. He was very sorry. Very, very sorry. Things could change for the better, or not, or for the worse, or not. Who knows now in this time of compulsive hand washing?

Well, our disappointment is huge. What else could possibly happen now?

Oh, I’ll tell you what else. While we were in the dermatologist’s office (no findings, and he complimented me on taking care of my skin, thanks be to the Divine one) I saw a post on Facebook referencing the fact that Mexico is no longer checking boats out of the country. WTF? I know this from two sources now that both say that in order for our boat to check out of the country and receive our Zarpe (the paper that tells the world we legally checked out of one country before entering another) we would have to take the boat all the way up to Ensenada, which is just south of Tijuana and many hundreds of miles upwind and current from Cabo San Lucas. Again, WTF? Many times I said this today. Many, many times. I said the full words, ok? I have all the best words.

Of course, we can choose to leave without checking out. After all, we are going home and legally home is where they have to take you in. But the issue is that we might like to come back to Mexico some day and leaving without saying goodbye is bad form. They might hold it against us regardless of the Corona Virus.

Then there is the fact we have crew aboard. It’s kind of unsettling to have crew when you aren’t sure you are going anywhere. Or how long it will take you to get there. But we enjoy his company so we are focusing on that. And when Ryan goes who will play Chess with Michael? Because it won’t be me.

Options swirl in our minds. I put more and more food on the boat, considering yet another trip to Walmart or the local Chedraui. How much more food can we squeeze onto this boat? How long will we need to be self-sufficient? Right now I’m going to say we could live for over two months on the food we currently have stockpiled and I’m probably not done yet because my mother grew up in the depression and I am genetically related to her. Nothing gives me pleasure like a well stocked larder.

Will Mexico soon have supply issues? Will we have grocery stores with nothing on the shelves like I see on social media from back home? Are those images overblown? Because there is a lot of food in Mexican stores. I know that there was a run on hand sanitizer here, though, and now you can’t find it at any price. Good thing we know how to actually wash with soap and water. Remember that? It still works. Do I need to buy toilet paper? I hear that’s quite the commodity lately. Maybe I better get more flour and yeast, and jarred tomato sauce. They import some delicious pesto here and it’s cheap. I will put together yet another list. Provisioning. I know how to do that. I can control that until the stores run out of food.

We have located a water maker and will probably buy it if we can agree on a price. It was a piece of equipment we convinced ourselves we wouldn’t need before we left the dock for this trip, but that was before armegeddon. It’s a Rainman and is new, never used, with all the bits and pieces accounted for. Plug and play. Seems like a good time to be able to make our own water, no?

We could throw ourselves on the mercy of the port captain here in La Paz, say we’re going home, please give us a zarpe and then we could just leave from here, skipping the Pacific side altogether. I wonder if that would work. There’s another boat planning the same trip as we are and they are worried about getting out of the country legally as well.  I would really like to go back to the Pacific side one more time, but the population there is much denser and there are more active cases of the virus there. Still, I do live on a boat…I’m in natural isolation at almost all times.

After all, we would miss the dolphins.

We still consider Hawaii, but if that looks like a poor choice we could just do the clipper route, which means sail way out and do a big tack north, without touching land. The water maker would make that a doable option. It would be many weeks at sea, but talk about quarantine! I don’t know if our crew, Ryan, would be up for that. It’s a lot to ask of someone who has never done any kind of a passage before. And it’s not like he can change his mind in the middle of the sea. If we decide to do that he may need to bail on us and we would understand.

If it’s true that we have to go to Ensenada to check out, we could do a sail out from Cabo San Lucas and then a long tack north to Ensenada but we have not studied that possibility yet. I just know I hate bashing into wind and seas. It’s bad for the boat and it’s bad for crew. It’s just bad. Period. If I have to do it, I want to consider every single other option first.

The morning cruiser’s radio net is fascinating here. Each morning we are privy to the latest fears and myths circulating about this virus. The person whose job it is to keep the conversation focused on the agenda has a hard time lassoing people in and keeping them off the precipice of despair and conspiracy theories. Fake news flies across the radio waves faster than droplets of viral spittle. People get irritated, people tell other people to settle down and not drink the koolaid. We sit, amused and a little alarmed, in the cockpit; our morning entertainment over coffee. Meanwhile, Mexico is closing the national parks.

One of the local news websites for gringos had an article about how people are wearing facemasks in La Paz and how the word on the street is that they are blaming the gringos for bringing this virus to Mexico. Yeah, we are seeing some facemasks, especially from workers in the grocery store. Bottles of hand sanitizer by each door, too. The article stated that the locals were giving the gringos a wider berth than usual. Huh. I call bullshit on that. We’ve been out and about all week and have had no experiences like that at all. Everyone is their usual helpful selves. This website should not be spreading what amounts to nonsense. How are they measuring it anyhow? Pure bull hockey if you ask me and irresponsible as well. I refuse to link to their article.

What will tomorrow bring? Will Mexico close all the island parks as well? Will we have to stay here another year? The one thing we haven’t considered is putting the boat away and flying home. We live on the boat. We don’t have another place to live right now. Our house has other people in it. Our kids do not have room to harbor us for long periods of time.  We like living on our boat. Also we live in Washington State, the hotbed of Corona Virus. i bet we are safer here. Why would we go there now, immediately, on an airplane? We plan to be back there in the summer. Hopefully this will have blown over by then. And if not, maybe we will be in Mexico another year after all. Could be worse. It could be raining.

So it’s a good thing we have nothing but time right now. We can wait and see what happens. Time’s going to pass whatever we do. Hope you are all staying well and washing your hands. Stop touching your faces, too.

Got to say that it could be worse than being stuck where water is this beautiful and there are friendly sea lions to play with.